You clear you schedule. You turn down your buddies who want to go out for a beer. You change your work out time. You skip out on another activity just in case it goes late…
And then you get that dreaded text: “Sorry, I forgot my friend is in from out of town, I’m so sorry, I promise I didn’t mean to but I can’t go out tonight”. Or worse yet you get no text message at all. You just get silence.
Of course, you have to be forgiving and understanding so you try to make the most of it and hopefully create a plan B for the evening. But what about when this becomes a pattern, over and over again?
Why do so many girls flake out on guys? Is this just a local phenomenon where I live or is this universal among guys everywhere? Do you ladies find that guys do the same thing to you?
One option is to simply go out in groups all the time and if someone doesn’t show up you still have the rest of your friends. But what about when you really want to get to know someone better? I have to be honest, I’m somewhat surprise when a girl actually comes through and does what she says. It’s a refreshing breath of air in an otherwise stale dating environment.
So why? My first thought it that perhaps they are just trying to get out of the date. Maybe in the moment the girl gave out her number and thought you were a cool guy but on second thought she decided you weren’t all you were cracked up to be and flaked out.
However, this would lead me to two simple questions: If you are older than 20 or 21 you should know by now when you meet someone whether or not you’d hang out again (not asking for a girlfriend, a fiancé, a wife, just a date). Second, if you do change your mind is it really so hard to just say “I’m not interested”, or at least “let’s hang out with a group or with some friends first”.
Yes I know girls are worried about hurting guy’s feelings or coming across as a bitch but you’d be surprised: guys usually have a lot more respect for a girl who says no than a girl who says yes but implies no by playing games.
My second thought it that girls perhaps hear something about the guy after the fact that puts them off. This is a little more reasonable, I mean if I heard a girl had herpes, a boyfriend, a psychotic personality, I might think twice. But then again how many things have I heard about girls that just wasn’t true? How many people do I know that talk trash about the very people that I respect the most? Rumors are hard to go by and some of the best dates I’ve been on were with girls that I was “warned about”.
However I think there is a lot more to the issue than initially meets the eye. For one I think that conservative Christian society (the place this blog is coming from and the environment I find myself in) has elevated dating, sex, and marriage on such a pedestal as to make the simple thing as accepting a date with a guy a monumental step.
Girls start thinking things like “well what if I’m seen out with this guy, people will think we are together, people will think I’m a slut because I went out with that other guy last night, the guy I really like won’t date me because I’m hanging out with someone else”. I can see where you might be coming from but seriously? Are we that shallow that we would really think that? Why is it so bad what people assume about us?
When we stop enjoying the moment we start taking the fun out of dating. When you keep flaking out on guys you build a reputation as someone who can’t be trusted.
I’m not saying things can’t come up from time to time. It happens to everyone. But be honest. Don’t make excuses, ignore people, or pretend like you’re interested when you are not. It would make dating a lot more enjoyable and simple for everyone.
Author: Jesse Leake
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