experience · uncertainty

Uncertainty of life and Expectations

expectations_7Life is uncertain. We cannot know the outcome of our decisions, relationships, and circumstances.

That’s in part why we have expectations. We are trying to make life as predictable as possible, essentially fighting against the uncertainty. Some people spend their entire miserable lives fighting uncertainty.

We want people to live according to the way we want our life to play out. So we have expectations for them. This is not reality. Life never goes as planned.

For a lot of people this is impossibly hard. They try to control everything. They hate when they feel like life is outside their control. These emotions stem from security. They are present in a weak willed person who is not able to adapt or adjust.

Unfortunately most of us are like this to some extent. So don’t be offended when I call you a weak willed person. We are all weak sometimes.

However there are those of us who either by circumstances or by intentional learning have come to embrace change. We learn to accept the fact that life will throw a curve balls and see that exciting. We won’t always know the outcome.

These are the people who are able to live expectation free. These are the people who are able to be happy in a relationship. Because first I want to be happy with the way that life is.

The inevitable fact is that life will change, that you cannot predict it, that you cannot control it, and that most of your expectations will not be met the way you think that they will be. But the person who embraces that sees this is exciting, because he sees this as a way for greater and better things to happen he ever dreamed of.

This is the person who can truly be happy in a relationship. Because he will see that just as he could not control life as a single person he cannot control life as a dating or married person. And that can honestly be quite exciting.

Of course if you end up with someone who is trying to control you and run your life and has a million expectations for you then sure you probably won’t be very happy. But hopefully as an independent free thinking person you will realize before you ever get serious with that person there tendencies do you have unrealistic expectations and to be controlling. And you will run away. Trust me run away.

This series will morph into another series about insecurities and why they drive relationships. However this is the last series that specifically will focus on expectations please leave your comments and let me know what you think. I am obviously not an expert and have not experienced every life situation I certainly could have missed something.


Author: Jesse Leake

Questions? Need advice or want to share your story? thelovemanifesto@gmail.com

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6 thoughts on “Uncertainty of life and Expectations

  1. i think what you’re talking about is having realistic, healthy expectations. i totally agree that getting too controlling or having certain expectations will really make life hard or unbearable when those expectations fail. i just think that there are some things (and again only to a point) where it’s okay to expect things – for example i expect myself to do well at work, i just don’t expect to be perfect every day. that would be impossible and as you said, it would even be boring. the best things that happen in life tend to be unexpected, like pregnancy (in most circumstances) or getting a promotion, etc. you’re right – we’re all weak at some point; i just try not to think about it lol 🙂 this has been a great series and looking forward to the next.

  2. It is truly difficult to wait and just be when you are first dating someone… I have found that what helps me most is time in between relationships to truly reflect on my learning.

  3. Expectations lead to disappointments because yes, nothing goes as planned. On the other hand not having any expectations seems to me means you will settle for anything or nothing if you will! Below is a piece I wrote on my birthday in 2007. I wrote it after being disappointed based on my unmet expectations. Going with the flow and adapting to change is definitely necessary to survive!

    The only true time you get disappointed in life is when something or someone does not meet your expectations. Your expectations may be clearly stated or simply implied, but you have them all the same. You could always expect nothing, so therefore be very happy with what you get, but that don’t sound right either. How to get around it? Well, probably the easiest and the path of least resistance would be to clearly state your expectations and/or know what your expectations are. If you’re expecting nothing, guess what, that’s what you’ll get, nothing. However if you know what it is you expect, never settle for less. Life is WAY too short. Have a good day, that’s my 2007 Birthday Thought of The Day. 3/10/07

  4. I think we all have had an experience of setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves as well as for others, but it became apparent one way or another that it was a dream and dreams don’t always manifest. While it’s important to have expectations, it needs to be realistic expectations. It’s one thing to set expectations for yourself, but it’s almost impossible to expect others to live up to your expectations. People will always be who they are, and if you plan to be with this person it’s best to except who they are. It’s a BAD idea to go into a relationship thinking that you have the ability to change a person so that they will meet your expectations. You will eventually realize that you are fighting a losing battle, so don’t ever attempt to change someone to suit your needs. The outcome may not be what you expected.

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