Expectations ruin good things in relationships.
For example, if you expect your significant other to take out the trash when it is full and he doesn’t what happens? You get angry and frustrated and tell him off or at least ask him to do. If he doesn’t agree with your expectation (maybe it’s his roommates trash or whatever) he may resent you. If he does take it out, you are simply getting your expectation met with nothing greater or better in the mix.
However, let’s suppose you had no such expectation. Let’s suppose you knew he might be busy, or its not his trash, or he’s not that responsible with things like that so you put that expectation aside. Now when he doesn’t take out the trash you will most likely have no emotional response to the situation. You may do it yourself, you may ask him nicely if he could help you with cleaning up, or you may just leave it and not worry about it.
But what if he does take it out? You will be surprised. You will be thankful. You will think more highly of him. In other words you will be blessed by his actions because they were not expected.
Expectations take the blessing out of relationships. Expectations remove the joy and pleasure that can be had when someone surprises you and blesses you with something that you enjoy without you having to prompt them.
I personally hate Valentine’s Day. I think it is a commercial, fake holiday where men are forced to suck up to women by buying them flowers and chocolate to keep the relationship from getting rocky. What if women stopped expecting something on Valentine’s Day? What if they simply saw it as another day?
Now when their man saw that he really valued his woman and one day came across a gift of some sort that he knew she would love he would buy it for her. And when she received it she would be surprised and happy and thankful. It was not expected of him, it was simply done from the heart.
It’s the same with so many things: Why do some men expect women to cook? Why can’t they cook for themselves and if the woman cooks something amazing it will be and enjoyable surprise?
Why do some women expect large diamonds and fancy rings? Why can’t they just accept the love of the person they are with and enjoy their lives together?
This takes conscious effort to overcome (strange isn’t it? There are no easy fixes in relationships). But one thing that will help is to constantly remind yourself of the blessing you are missing out on when everything becomes an expectation.