Expectations are like poison to relationships. When you expect someone to live the way you want them to you are essentially expecting them to become you. You expect them to share your values, share your previous life experiences, and share your dreams for the future. Of course we would all like to meet that perfect someone that does share so much of our lives. But I think we can all agree that a clone of ourselves would be rather boring.
See the problem is that we go into relationships expecting that we will both stay on the same page. When he says “I love you” he may mean just that: at this current time I love you and your company. However, you expect that he means I love you forever I want to marry you. But he may know in his heart he would never want to spend his life with you.
Similarly she may express attraction to you and say you’re an attractive guy. But that does not mean that she is in love with you and wants to date you.
He expects sex before marriage. She expects to save herself for one special person.
He expects that she will eventually want kids despite the fact that she doesn’t right now. She expects that he will understand why she doesn’t ever want kids and accept that.
He expect that his dreams of traveling will eventually be fulfilled and that she will love him so much she won’t mind. She expects a nice safe suburban lifestyle with a family and maybe occasional brief travel to the beach for vacation.
You see, expectations are so varied and so different that we have to essentially remove them to have a healthy relationship with someone. Unless you are already both on the same page before you start dating there is no guarantee that you will be after you start. People don’t like change.
This leads us to the premise behind why expectations are so bad: life is uncertain. We cannot know the outcome of our decisions, relationships, and circumstances.
Look for the final part in the series next week where I will discuss uncertainty in life in greater detail!!!
Author: Jesse Leake
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