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Expectations and Emotional Persuasion (Getting the girl to like you)

expectations_4Why expectations kill everything.

Expectations and Emotional Persuasion (Getting the girl to like you)

So where does the aspect of expectation relate to emotional persuasion? I might assure you that I have strong feelings for you, that we are perfect for each other, that I have no intentions for anyone else. But if you expect me to hold your hand in public and I have no intentions of doing such a thing, than you may feel we are disconnected and expect the relationship to fail.

Logically this is ridiculous and we both could acknowledge that in a scientific paper on psychology. But it doesn’t change how you feel. At all. In fact, I find time and time again that feelings exist one way or the other despite all logical evidence that I try to use to change them.

Let’s check another example. Suppose you as a girl expect that when a guy connects with you on some level physically (more than a hug or a handshake) that he must have feelings for you. You find the guy attractive and interesting and are excited that (from your expectations of the way things should go) he is actually into you as well.

Now this same guy may be totally clear with you that all he desires in friendship and he may even have a reputation as someone who isn’t interested in a serious relationship at the time. However, if your expectations are strong enough you will find yourself expecting him not to talk to other girls, to express further interest in you, and to pursue a relationship with you.

Now get this, all of this could be going on inside your head without you knowing it (see my article on why we like to fall in love). Scary? Perhaps, but don’t worry there is more to the story.

If you haven’t read my series on attraction I highly recommend you do that now. This series gives a brief but thorough explanation of why we are attracted to certain people and not others (particularly answering the questions “Is attraction a choice”).

Expectation are similar to attraction. Numerous things shape our expectations and many of them are out of our control. Expectations often exist with or without our approval. However, unlike attraction, I would suggest that we can definitely shape and change our expectation. It begins with an open mind and a willingness to change, at your core. Without this willingness you will never improve your love life or friendships!

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12 thoughts on “Expectations and Emotional Persuasion (Getting the girl to like you)

  1. I’m trying to remove expectations from my dating life… But it’s hard! There are things that are important to me, that I expect ( holding hands or cuddling while watching a movie, for example… Showing affection when appropriate, in general). Maybe if I knew the guy was really into me, I wouldn’t need that… But I feel like I still would. I like to cuddle, so I expect the same of a potential mate. Know what I mean?

    1. I agree it is never easy. I’ve been struggling myself to get them removed and they still exist, even with girls I’m just talking to and not really dating yet!! So sad. Showing affection is awesome but expecting the door to be open or the guy not to talk to other girls as friends is tough. Its not fair but we still have those feelings. I think that we should find someone who is compatible – ie has similar expectations so to speak.

      1. Yes, that would certainly be ideal!

        But I also think that expecting someone to not talk to their friends of the opposite sex is completely unrealistic, and those people should be reevaluating their expectations!

  2. I definitely agree with this and have fallen prey to emotional persuasion. This is where communication (and the actions behind them) need to be abundantly clear. One hug and she’s into you then make your intentions clear and watch your actions. We need to not only be aware of our verbal communication but also our nonverbal.
    We should also take others at their word. I liked a guy for way too long just because his actions conveyed the same meaning, yet he told me that he didn’t have strong feelings.
    Needless to say the next relationship I have I want to be for life, All of the others are bothersome

    1. Emotional persuasion is a good thing if you understand it. We want to be persuaded emotionally. I want to feel emotions for my girl not just logically think she is amazing. But you have to stay in control and not let them control you. Why are relationships that are not for life bothersome? They can be fun!

  3. I believe that today too many people have unreal expectations out of the person they are interested in or think that the person is interested in them. Today people try to move far too fast into relationships without listening to what the Holy Spirit is telling them and without putting some serious prayer effort into their actions. We all must learn to let God lead the way and stop trying to lead the way ourselves. Many move far too fast into relationships without getting to know the other person and taking their time. I have found that women try to move far too quickly because they really like a guy and they end up making big mistakes because of it Bruce H. Wolfe, Jr.

    1. I believe that today too many people have unreal expectations out of the person they are interested in or think that the person is interested in them. Today people try to move far too fast into relationships without listening to what the Holy Spirit is telling them and without putting some serious prayer effort into their actions. We all must learn to let God lead the way and stop trying to lead the way ourselves. Many move far too fast into relationships without getting to know the other person and taking their time. I have found that women try to move far too quickly because they really like a guy and they end up making big mistakes because of it Bruce H. Wolfe, Jr.

    2. I believe that people in Christian cicles are especially prone to moving to fast! They want to be sexually active but some believe they must wait till marriage so they rush the marriage. And many Christians tend to be very insecure – in fact people in general do.

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