Expectations and Emotional Persuasion (Getting the girl to like you)
So where does the aspect of expectation relate to emotional persuasion? I might assure you that I have strong feelings for you, that we are perfect for each other, that I have no intentions for anyone else. But if you expect me to hold your hand in public and I have no intentions of doing such a thing, than you may feel we are disconnected and expect the relationship to fail.
Logically this is ridiculous and we both could acknowledge that in a scientific paper on psychology. But it doesn’t change how you feel. At all. In fact, I find time and time again that feelings exist one way or the other despite all logical evidence that I try to use to change them.
Let’s check another example. Suppose you as a girl expect that when a guy connects with you on some level physically (more than a hug or a handshake) that he must have feelings for you. You find the guy attractive and interesting and are excited that (from your expectations of the way things should go) he is actually into you as well.
Now this same guy may be totally clear with you that all he desires in friendship and he may even have a reputation as someone who isn’t interested in a serious relationship at the time. However, if your expectations are strong enough you will find yourself expecting him not to talk to other girls, to express further interest in you, and to pursue a relationship with you.
Now get this, all of this could be going on inside your head without you knowing it (see my article on why we like to fall in love). Scary? Perhaps, but don’t worry there is more to the story.
If you haven’t read my series on attraction I highly recommend you do that now. This series gives a brief but thorough explanation of why we are attracted to certain people and not others (particularly answering the questions “Is attraction a choice”).
Expectation are similar to attraction. Numerous things shape our expectations and many of them are out of our control. Expectations often exist with or without our approval. However, unlike attraction, I would suggest that we can definitely shape and change our expectation. It begins with an open mind and a willingness to change, at your core. Without this willingness you will never improve your love life or friendships!