When Expectations Become Actions
This is where we cross from ideals to actions. You see my ideal might be one of complete commitment in even a dating relationships. I believe that all aspects of my opposite sex interactions should reflect a commitment to the girl I am dating.
However, your ideal may be totally different. Dating is a time to get to know each other, to see if this will work (it probably won’t since statistically most dating relationships end and we move on) but it’s worth throwing some effort into for the time being.
If I expect you to change your belief system for me, than you stop being true to yourself for one. And secondly you are required to enter my world and leave your own, which may be completely uncomfortable for you and may require you to become someone you are not. Which means basically I’m dating a fake.
This is where we get to the second definition of expectations. Remember that the first one has to do with ideals. How do we think things should run and what attitudes should we have.
Expectations are actions or feelings that we presume our partner should have given the (sometimes) presumed level of commitment in the relationship.
This is where it gets real. If I presume that because we have been dating for a year you should say “I love you” and you presume that should never happen unless you are considering marriage…we are going to struggle connecting.
Conflict rarely surfaces over ideals. I can think of once or twice in my life when it did. For example, a lengthy discussion over the subject of religion with a girl I was talking to. Either we had vastly different belief systems or (more likely) we failed to communicate clearly on something we basically agreed upon. The conflict fairly quickly resolved and was forgotten about because ideals mean little when the actions you are showing offer stronger persuasion.
Actions speak louder than words!
Let me restate that paragraph. Treating a girl the way she wants to be treated and giving her that feeling of love and security (or whatever she wants) is way more persuasive in winning her than telling her (no matter how true and logical) how you are her perfect match. When you touch a person on a deep emotional level, the logical aspects of your relationship rarely prove more significant.
In fact, I would go so far as to say this: if your emotional persuasion is powerful enough you can persuade someone despite logical evidence to the contrary. This is powerful knowledge to have in any situation and should certainly be used with care in developing relationships.
Author: Jesse Leake
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