Why We Like To Fall In Love

fallin in loveSimple: as humans we spend most of our life engineering our future and planning and working to make life the best we can.

In contract, falling in love is something that is outside of our control. Or so we romanticize it be.

Think about the feelings of your first crush or the early days of a passionate relationship. Think about the excitement, the anticipation, the memories, the feeling that everything was out of your control.

I think we crave that feeling (maybe why trusting God can be attractive for so many). We crave being swept away emotionally with no clue where things may end up.

Of course this isn’t a blanket statement. Some of us are control freaks and do NOT like this idea at all (although deep down I think we would still enjoy it).

But most of us have that occasional urge to just run away, or start somewhere new, or quit our job for no reason, or move to another country, or fall in love.

By definition “falling” in love is something you can’t control. When you fall you may put your hands out to cushion your fall (thinking logically in spite of feelings) but honestly once you start falling you really can’t stop. You might be able to prevent the fall in the first place. But once you start it’s all over, you are going to hit the ground; either hard or soft depending on your reflexes and the surface on which you must fall.

Falling in love is the same. Someone who ends up being great for you will give you a soft landing and you will rest comfortably where you fell. Similarly you may fall for someone who is actually quite bad for you. But if your emotional health and coping mechanisms are mature you may cushion that landing a bit.

We long as humans to be a part of something bigger than us. We long for something completely out of our control to bring us on an amazing adventure. Falling in love promises that opportunity and no matter how many times it may disappoints we still want it enough to keep falling.


21 thoughts on “Why We Like To Fall In Love

  1. Exactly my feelings. For me it’s because I am a control freak in the rest of my life that I long to fall in love and have that control wrestled from my grasp. Sometimes it has ended badly but like you pointed out we keep craving that feeling of being out of control.

  2. well said! it certainly explains why i kept making ridiculous decisions lol. hopefully, with any luck, my “mechanisms” have matured finally and will be able to cushion the fall or better yet… just make better decisions.

  3. It is always exciting when you fall in love! Love makes you feel young again (as far as I am concerned), it makes you appreciate the world you live, especially when your love returns the affection. When you fall out of love, if you do, then regret, disappointment remains, but you leave with the memory.

  4. I enjoyed your article. I am a believer in God and don’t see the emotional connection as faith requires something much deeper. 😉
    I also think falling in love is a great deal like Humpty Dumpty most of the time. For me, I envision, a fall or accident which loses all the fascination. So, it was interesting to see this view. Thanks!

  5. I think love is different when you’re older—yes parts of the “falling” are the same but you don’t want to be completely out of control or out of your mind. You don’t want to be a bitch to your emotions and fantasies. You want an amazing love experience in the real world. That means taking responsibility for yourself, knowing what you need to do for yourself, knowing what you need from another person, carving out space for your partner without annihilating yourself. It means keeping a sane perspective, listening and watching carefully, reining yourself in when needed! Real love takes two real people. Each living his/her own life and then sharing a life together. Takes motivation, reality checks, sanity, sense, and sensibility.

  6. WOW! Well said. I must say you have a way with words and also have a remarkable way of presenting issues. I can’t help but agree with your article.

  7. We do we love the idea of falling in love has lots of variations.

    1.) Media

    2.) Loneliness and vanity/emptiness.

    Ibe always had a theory which I wrote about a while ago which is that in order to fall in love, a person must be insecure. Being in love or falling in love requires one to admit that he or she is lacking, lonely and needing, therefore, love is an insecurity, which by the way, doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. But one cannot love if he or she isn’t insecure.

    Sounds parable-like but it’s real.

    Nice article though. As a Pick-Up Artist, I’m feeling it. Not many guys in the seduction community blog about LTR (relationships) and love issues.

    1. I wouldn’t necessarily say I am a part of that community. However, I value a lot of what has been written. And I would agree with you completely that you cannot fall in love without being insecure. Insecurity drives most relationships. I am certainly for long term relationships. But not if they are driven out of insecurity. Which most are. Better to date casually and just have fun then commit because you are scared of being alone.

  8. I’m not sure I totally agree with this idea of “falling in love”, or maybe I don’t agree with falling in love at all if that is the view. I think the main problem in all these teens’ relationships these days; they just want to be out of control. If you’re not in control then a lot of bad stuff can go on in a relationship, like sex before marriage. I’m not trying to say that we should or even can be totally in control, but we can’t just let things “flow” and end up in a big mess.

    Love, Elisabeth

    1. That is true. That is often what happens. You go with the flow and you lose control. But my point I think is that we want that. We want to be out of control. We are tired of controlling every minute detail of life. Also I do not think this applies primarily to teens. most teens are going through hormonal changes that are difficult. And they tend to make rash decisions based on these changes. As adults we gradually become accustom 2 ourselves. Falling in love gives us a chance to get out of ourselves.

  9. If we imitate Jehovah’s love and are guided by his principles, the love that we hope to find can truly be realized.

    1. Are those defenses healthy? I agree with you that we do develop those defenses. I have developed them. However I have never successful a been able to completely shut off my feelings. What about you?

  10. I actually think love is a choice, whether love or lust. Here is a quote from my latest blog post:

    Some may think that love is a feeling, and the definition of love above is what one does in response to having this feeling. I disagree. This feeling that we get when we love or think we love is based on something. It does not appear from no where. The feelings are based either upon who that person is, and a desire to give one’s self to that person, or the feelings are based upon what that person can do for one’s self, and a desire to take from that person. I believe that to love and lust are both choices we can make, to give ourselves, or parts of ourselves away. The question of whether we love or whether we lust is our desire, purpose, motive, and foundation, and is demonstrated in how we give or take from the one we claim to love.

    More here:

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