If ultimately attraction is not a choice than I think it should alleviate some of the anxiety about rejection and rejecting that we get. No one likes rejection and hopefully most of us don’t like rejecting someone else. If we can remember that we can’t help who we are attracted to (and who we are not) perhaps we will be more understanding of people who just don’t find us attractive.
It’s a fact of life: you just aren’t going to be attracted to every guy that asks you out. And if attraction is not a choice you shouldn’t feel so bad about turning him down. After all if marriage to one person for the rest of your life is anywhere in your future dreams, you essentially have to turn down 3.5 billion of the opposite sex in exchange for that one person.
Similarly it should save us some effort and time. If someone isn’t attracted to you, trying to convince them that they are or should be isn’t really worthwhile. You may in some cases be able to increase their attraction or develop it (friends that become lovers later in life).
However, you can’t ever just give someone a logical list of why they should be attracted to you. Either they are or they aren’t. Or maybe they are quite sure yet…yeah it never is that simple.
That’s where we come to experience and just going out and living life. You can’t read my blog (or any blog or book on relationships) and think “I got it. Now I know how to have a happy relationship and be a happy person.” It won’t work that way. You have to get out there and practice and meet people and probably make some pretty bad mistakes.
The old saying “learn from my mistakes” only goes so far. Most of us learn best by making a few mistakes of our own. Hopefully you can apply that knowledge to those who hurt you and forgive them when they mess up. But that is another post.
In closing, remember this is you remember anything: Relationships are never black and white. Ever. But hope this helps.