Is this a matter of nature?
Is attraction something that you can shape?
That grows or wanes depending on other factors?
I grew up in a traditional Christian background that accurately, perhaps for misguided reasons, promoted attractions as more than just something physical. In other words, you should not choose to go for someone just because they were physically or chemically attractive to you. Instead you should go deeper and look at their character, their pursuits, and their whole person.
I say misguided for one reason. Much of Christian dating advice has focused so exclusively on being a “good Godly biblical” person that they have totally missed key elements of psychology, relationship building, and friendship which are absolutely necessary for a healthy relationship. Following God properly does not excuse you from the hard work of building a relationship. Following God does not give you a free ticket to the perfect relationship.
Other less religious groups (current entertainment media for example) have created this popular mindset that beauty comes from within (which trust me I do agree) but almost to the point that they ignore the fact that it also comes from without. If it solely came from within couldn’t you find the most well rounded person for you and then simply make the logical choice to be in a relationship with them?
We all know it doesn’t work this way.
So to answer my question in a straightforward manner, I would say:
“Ultimately attraction is NOT a choice.”
There are certain things we can do to direct our attraction or things that will increase attraction with time. But the initial spark that causes you to pursue romance with another person is not something you consciously choose to do.
Author: Jesse Leake
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