This means that guys, we need to be more vulnerable. Now before I go further let me clarify something. This does not mean being a bask case and spilling your guts on the first day overwhelming her with stories how you were abused as a child and how your first girlfriend cheated on you. Bad idea.
Vulnerability does mean putting yourself out there, discussing your feelings, and allowing yourself to express emotions that you feel. Not all at once. But gradually. Match her pace or maybe fall a step behind. But do show your emotional side. Now if you haven’t learned how to control your emotions yet than I’d suggest pausing and working on this before you even try to communicate with women at all on a romantic level. If you do have relative control over your emotions, you are ready to allow them to be seen.
A large part of emotionally connecting with women has to do with being in touch with your own emotions. Men in general tend to be afraid to show emotion other than machismo (often displayed as anger or laughter). But displaying other emotions is hard for men to do. However, how can one really expect to relate to another if they have no idea what it feels like to have the emotions that person is having?
If you’ve never allowed yourself to feel lonely because you drown out all feelings with video games, beer, sports, loud music, and such; how can you relate to someone who is explaining to you that they felt lonely in the crowded NYC where they went last summer for an internship? Logically you will think “that makes no sense, there are millions of people there” and you will lose the opportunity to empathize and connect because you’ve never been vulnerable enough with yourself to understand your own emotions.
Sharing your emotions with a woman enables you to connect with her. But it starts with being open to yourself about your emotions. Our society in general is quick to drown out unwanted emotions with sights and sounds. We have gadgets to entertain us and distract us. We have constant business to keep us from thinking. Men and women alike are challenged with this. Connecting is hard for everyone in such a cluttered world.
One way to fight the distractions is to ask questions. This is simple and straight forward at first but you have to be intentional about the kind of questions you ask. Asking her about her job is can be boring, unless she really loves it and wants to talk about her experiences. Asking her why she feels like her boss is setting her up for failure is more intimate.
You want to create those intimate moments. Or at least create the opportunity for them. And not close them off by asking only factual questions and giving objective answers to everything. There is a place for that. Factual conversations are stimulating and interesting, and women are just as capable of having an intelligent conversation about science as men are. But that’s not all they want.
Emotionally connecting with women is not a formula or a list of steps. It’s about creating moments that are memorable, that you don’t want to end.
It’s about learning who you are and sharing that.
It’s about being someone who can empathize, who can see through someone else’s perspective.
Personal questions or comments? Need advice? Email me firstname.lastname@example.org
Check me out on Twitter @jesse_leake