So why is it so important for women to feel like they are emotionally connected? It turns out that this is actually a human need not just a “woman” need. Sure women seem to understand connecting emotionally better than many men do, but men need to connect on some level as well.
You may be thinking “I know some people who just don’t seem to want to connect with anyone.” However, connecting emotionally often presents itself differently from one person to another. That is why we know some people who don’t seem to have that need. Usually there is a reason why the need to emotionally connect is left on the back burner. Most often a stronger need, that they feel is in competition, takes first priority.
Insecurity is a frequent contender for emotional connection. Many guys feel intimidated and insecure talking about their feelings. Therefore they are more likely to ignore their need to emotionally connect in order to satisfy their need to uphold their pride and security.
Others may feel the need for rational and order in their life. They may have been hurt emotionally before and the need to keep their emotions in check overcomes their need for connection.
Still others have competing physical needs such as their sex drive, emotional immaturity such as jealousy, and past relationships such as ex-girlfriends or parents that get in the way of truly valuing and enjoying emotional connections.
So why is it still important to us to connect with someone? Why is it healthy to have more than just a physical connection even with the risks involved?
Life is short. And if we are healthy (in all aspects) we realize the only proper way to live is to live for the moment. You might not get tomorrow. Not to ignore or discount the future, but we need to recognize that it is not guaranteed. And, in this short life, we want to feel like we are sharing those moments with someone else.
Cliché I know, but it’s true: a moment is not fully lived until it has been shared.
Maybe that is why we gossip sometimes. We’re not really trying to spread rumors or hurt someone behind their back. We just want someone else to feel what we are feeling about the situation. I love observing people. And despite the stereotype guys gossip as well. A lot. Sure it comes across differently sometimes perhaps. But guys want others to share their feelings about something they heard or were involved in; even if they don’t say it in so many words.
When you connect with someone, you feel like you belong. You feel valued. You have someone else to value. You share a moment together and a memory that will survive much longer than your interaction with that person. It may be the girl you met at the bar tonight who ended up sharing a fascinating story about her trip last summer that really connected with what you are going through right now. And you might never see her again. You might soon forget the actual story. Yet that connection is worth more than anything else you could have received that night in a bar.
Physical and mental needs can often be satisfied with physical replacements for human. We have the television and books to satisfy our needs for mental stimulation and growth. The internet is a vast unlimited source of knowledge available in our cellphones now. Even sexual needs can be somewhat satisfied without another human being involved.
However, there is no real replacement for the emotional satisfaction of connecting with a real human being. In fact, these objects that we often replace our friends with can often decrease our emotional satisfaction.
That’s why we need emotionally connection so badly. It’s irreplaceable and yet essential for happiness.
Author: Jesse Leake
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