humility

Why relationships can’t work without Humility.

humilityIn my last article I briefly discussed how one of the most confident things a man can do is be humble. This sounds at first like an oxymoron.

Isn’t a confident person sure of himself? Isn’t he supposed to be making decisions based on the idea that he is right and that he knows the answer?

Not exactly. You see just as there is a fine line between hate and love, there is a fine line between arrogance and humility. And Confidence actually should come across as humility more often than not.

A confident man or woman has the humility to admit he is wrong. Admitting you are wrong or being willing to change how you think takes significant confidence. You have to be confident enough in who you are at your core that you do not feel defeated and unloved when someone calls you out.

Arrogance is a weakness. The inability to admit wrong doing shows that you just can’t emotionally handle someone else knowing more than you. But let’s be honest, who really knows everything? In fact most of us only know a small fraction of what is really going on in any situation. Therefore chances are we will be wrong, or at least have the wrong perspective, numerous times, even in one day.

Pride is also a weakness. Pride is most often the fake fancy store front that people put up to hide the dilapidated building behind it. It’s a mask. We all wear it from time to time. But most often it is an insecurity that we are trying to hide. In other words, when we are prideful we are simply not confident enough for people to see us for who we really are.

Humility therefore takes a lot of confidence to pull off. Because in essence you are saying, “look this is me, I’m not perfect and I may be wrong about you, but I’m not going to hide behind insecurities like pride and arrogance. So give it to me straight, I’m confident enough in who I am at my core to accept that I may be wrong about some things.”

Why is this so important in a relationship?

After confidence, I think the number one thing that girls tell me over and over again is that they want a guy who is humble. Think about the cultural stereotype for men, we don’t ask for directions, we don’t ask for help, and we don’t admit we are wrong. This is absurd! Why do we fall for it? Women don’t even want men who act like this. Are we this weak that we must pretend we know it all?

The same goes for what men want in a woman too though. Men don’t want a woman who thinks she is always right.  These women often put men down because if something goes wrong it must be his felt.

From what I have seen, for a relationship to grow and develop, both people must be humble. Both people must frequently be willing to change how they see the other person. Both people must be willing to look through the other person’s glasses. Both people must be willing to adapt their perspective. Both people must have the confidence to be humble enough to admit they were wrong.

 

Author: Jesse Leake

Personal questions or comments? Need advice? Email me thelovemanifesto@gmail.com

Check me out on Twitter @jesse_leake

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16 thoughts on “Why relationships can’t work without Humility.

  1. Whoever has you is going to have an enjoyable journey. Great post, all true. Sadly humility is not an easy thing to find in either sex. There are alot of arrogant men and women, knowing they’re right while their partner is wrong.

    Folks who don’t even know they lack humility. In my opinion, most of us don’t have it. Knowing and failing at a love you really want can humble you though (if you don’t go back to how wrong the other was). Lol. Nice read, again.

    1. I agree. And a little do we realize that humility actually takes a lot of confidence. I think it is 1 of the hardest character traits to develop. Something that I definitely to work on all the time. Because it is so easy to just assume that I am right. Which is often not the case.

  2. Absolutely (re: it takes alot of confidence). It does. I’d bold that if I could lol. It is probably the single most difficult trait to develop and most people know it so they fake it. But inauthentic humility falls apart two seconds after someone thinks they may be mistaken for not being the smartest, sexiest, most qualified, most talented _____ (fill in the blank) around. This is most of us. Experiencing true unadulterated admiration for another is the antidote in my opinion, but these days we’re all too busy being too sexy for our shirts. Haha. I’m working on it too, so you and I both have the same homework…

    I trip over rightness too…

  3. Humility is the cornerstone of charisma and humanity. It disappoints me how often I come across arrogance. I can’t be wrong… I’ll never be wrong…. everything you say is wrong. What a bunch of crazy talk. It’s fine to be imperfect.

    Peace and Love,

    Vic

  4. Sounds good, but how does such a godly post not refer to God or His word. I think you’d be blessed being consistent with the humility God reveals in your soul that actually glorifies Him in your spirit. (Hebrews 4:12) And thanks for liking my post. 🙂

    1. This blog is not a Christian blog in the sense that I’m trying to use the bible to prove my points. There are far too many books quoting scripture to help people with their relationships already. So my point is to look at other perspectives and resources to help build lasting relationships without discounting the advice one can get from the Bible but also not using it as my primary souce. Thanks for your feedback. It means a lot.

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