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Don’t give up on love

For many people the idea of romance is becoming a historic phenomenon. Broken dating relationships with tragic break ups, long term marriages falling apart, open relationships the norm, romantic relationships revealed as fake and fragile.

It’s not that most of us don’t want love. It’s just that we’re either falling blindly for someone based on hormones and insecurities or we’re becoming jaded by the slew of personal experiences and surrounding examples of love that turned out not to be quite so loving.

The few and far between who seem to get it right often appear to lucky more than anything else. And perhaps they are. The few who end up married and who end up working through the subsequent challenges of long term love, often appear to do so at the price of romance.

And if by chance they were able to keep that romantic spirit, their love like that of a fairy tale, is what drives us into these passionate romantic flings that rarely lead to long term happiness.

To those of you who are now watching your youthful dreams of love collapse I would still say this:

Don’t give up on love.

Just because the ideals around you are crumbling and your lofty dreams of a knight in shining armor on a while horse whisking you off the ground and riding off through a field of wildflowers . . . are just dreams for now, don’t give up. Don’t settle. Don’t take second best.

And just because you and your parents and your friends and your pastors and your professors and your boss’s relationships aren’t working now; doesn’t mean that you can’t find love. In fact, if you have the right perspective it should only be making you that much more prepared to love when the time is right.

A lot of times we talk about people that have a lot of baggage. “Dude she’s a nice girl but she’s got some baggage you’ll have to work through”. “Hun I just don’t know about him, he’s been through a lot and later that’s going to come back and haunt you”. And our assumption is that somehow we don’t or that this baggage has to define them.

Neither is true. We all have trouble behind us. It’s how we deal with it and grow from it that counts. And we should never be defined by our baggage. Instead we should define our baggage as obstacles overcome, challenges conquered, love lost that made us a better person.

Love is tough to come by. And it’s not always the last seen of Tangled. But those moments do exist. And you can still have them.

Let your idea of love mature.

Accept that fairytales don’t happen (but they can be created).

Realize that no lover will give you happily ever after (but you can have that on your own).

Embrace the fact that relationships aren’t all romantic (but delight in those moments that are).

Choose to let the past teach you (but never define you).

And always remember to give others a second chance.

 

Author: Jesse Leake

Personal questions or comments? Need advice? Email me thelovemanifesto@gmail.com

Check me out on Twitter @jesse_leake

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25 thoughts on “Don’t give up on love

  1. Hi Jesse,
    A good post in encouraging people to not give up in a relationship. Nevertheless, I must say, considering that my middle name is Grace, I can’t help, but be reminded that it is only by the grace of God that a marriage can stand. It is only by the grace of God that one can keep going and not give up on a relationship even when it gets tough! It is by God’s grace that one can love at all, because, who made love and who is love? God is love (He is the very essence, the very being of love itself.), therefore, no one can love at all unless God puts love in his/her heart!
    Also you said that “fairytales don’t happen (but they can be created)”. That reminded me of what Father Brown said about fairylands in the story “The Sins of Prince Saradine”. He and his friend had just entered a farylandish place and Father Brown says “I never said it was always wrong to enter Fairyland. I only said it was always dangerous.” Anyway, I don’t know what that has to do with anything, but maybe it does. 😉
    I love you!

    Your Sister,
    Hannah

  2. I must say this made me cry its in a word: beautiful. I see so many people that really just give up on love and it hurts my heart.

        1. Writing is not easy. It takes a lot of work and a lot of rewriting. And it takes a lot of lonely hours thinking about how you feel. And a lot of social hours spending time with people and observing how they interact. And of course it takes actual life experience in relationships. Some good some bad.

  3. My biggest problem isn’t past mistakes or past failures in love. I just don’t even know where to start. I’m 30 years old and haven’t even made a proper attempt at love. How does one know if another is interested in you or even if you are interested in them rather than just fixated on their physical image? My relationships die before they start, ending in massive internal conflict, obsessive thoughts, aborted plans, or restraining orders. I guess I’m just not built for it. I’m not human enough. And that is why I have given up on love.

    1. That is sad. But if it is not something that you feel is valuable enough to continue pursuing that I understand. It does take a lot of work. It takes making yourself the best possible person you can be. And then being willing to hold out for somebody who is doing the same. It also takes loving people who aren’t always worthy of your love. Because you know that sometimes you can be the same way. It’s tough. But it’s always worth it. If it is with the right person. Good luck. Thanks for reading the blog.

  4. It’s funny because I never do. I do not allow myself to get jaded or bitter, I press on with new hopes determined to make an ass of myself. In the end I know I lived unafraid and boldly! Great post!!

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