marriage · real men

Start Being the Kind of Man the Kind of Woman You Want Would Want to Have

I have to credit a friend for stating that line above. But certainly how true of a statement is that? It seems that many men are looking for a woman and complaining of the lack of good women out there (rightfully so perhaps), and yet are unwilling to consider that maybe…

The men need to change to make themselves suitable for the women they want.

Of course, before one can even go about molding himself into his dream girl’s dream man, he must consider two things:

Do I really want a woman or am I just scared of being alone?

What kind of woman do I really want?

Society still honors marriage and long term relationships. Sure we argue over gay marriage, cohabitation, multiple partners; but the norm is presented as marriage. Oddly this is not the happy choice for many people (as high as 60% end in divorce and more are not happy).

So consider, am I following a dream that society and my upbringing idealized? Or am I chasing something I really want and am prepared to see through?

Men often get carried away by their emotions. Emotional men seems odd to women who are used to macho men who hide their feelings.  However, it’s true that men get crushes on women they may not really be compatible with. Growing to be the right man for these women will only end in a disaster.

Therefore, it is essential for the man to consider exactly who he is, where he is going, what he values in a woman. Are you consistently attracted to international women with their cultural differences? Do you value southern house wife? Is your mom the standard by which you judge all other women? Do you prefer a leadership position or a partnership? What direction are you going with your faith and political ideas?

Before you can satisfy the question of “what kind of woman do I want”, you have to determine who you are. This is tough because we are in constant flux. Sometimes the women we find ourselves drawn to actually help us figure out who we are.

The woman you are attracted to may be a life a mirror. A mirror of the man you wish to be. She may reflect those qualities and values that you hold but don’t always live. So don’t think that a good woman can’t help you figure out who you really are. But be careful not to let a good woman determine who you are.

The best relationship advice I ever received was this

“You need to figure out who you are before you will be able to give of yourself to another person”.


Author: Jesse Leake

Personal questions or comments? Need advice? Email me

Check me out on Twitter @jesse_leake


17 thoughts on “Start Being the Kind of Man the Kind of Woman You Want Would Want to Have

  1. It’s funny, a friend the other day in my Bible study was talking about how we should be the kind of women that the kind of man you want would want to have!

  2. Great blog! I absolutely loved reading it. I think its great how you talked about girls are used to macho men who only hide their feelings. I recently just went through a bad break-up with my boyfriend of two years. He held his feelings in for two years, finally realizing them two years later. I was grateful that he was honest and so true with me in the moment and for finally being REAL with me. But those two years built up a lot of attraction and feelings that led to miserable heartbreak now. If he had been honest throughout the relationship we could have fixed what needed to be fixed so it didn’t end up how it did. But God works in mysterious ways and I know that despite the heartache I will only grow from the experience.

    Long comment haha, sorry! But thanks again for posting! 🙂

    1. Yes tis true that those who hold in their feelings end up hurting those they love. But we need women to be ok with us being honest. So many women make it hard for guys to be honest because they react emotionally to the guy’s honest assessment of his feelings. Or they freak out when a guy is honestly interested because he was hard enough to get or didn’t play games like they are used to. Much of guy’s habits in dating are reactionary to the results they are used to getting from women. Thanks for the comment

  3. It’s funny how you say men think there are not enough good women out there, and a lot of women feel that way about men. I think the perception is that there are not enough good “people” out there, but there are so many people out there… just by the odds, there’s gotta be some really great people out there. I think you need to keep your eyes open. It’s like being lucky, when you consider yourself lucky, you notice things other people wouldn’t just because you have the mentality that you are lucky. Definitely being the best person you can be benefits future partners and everyone around you. Good advice to keep in mind 🙂

    1. That is a good perspective on the subject. A lot of dating has to do with your mindset. I think that a lot of guys feel like there are not enough good girls out there because they are looking in the wrong places. Also if one does not work on developing himself first then he will not attract the kind of girl he wants.

      1. Well, also, I know guys that purposefully go after the “bad” girls. They know the girl is already in a relationship, or not wanting one or something like that and they STILL go after the girl to hopefully change her bad ways, when I know a LOT of nice, single girls that can’t find a good guy to ask them out. It definitely is where you’re looking.

        1. A challenge is fine. We want what we can’t have. Also, nice girls are boring. Plain and simple. A nice girl that will do anything for you and let you walk all over her is just going to get old. Someone who is somewhat of a b**** may end up being more attractive. I know that sounds terrible but in the same way the girls get tired of the nice guy who is a sucker and begs and can’t take leadership, guys also get tired of the nice girl. Not that we don’t want a sweet feminine woman, we do. At least many of us too. But we want someone who is strong too who has opinions, who doesn’t need us to do everything for them, who can balance the checkbook, get a job, etc

          1. Haha, it does sound terrible, haha. But it’s true with the “nice guy” as well. I don’t think one has to be a jerk per se, but be interesting and well rounded. You can be nice and still be interesting, but I think a lot of guys mistake a bad girl with being interesting, and then they’re stuck with a really annoying girl who can’t get along with everyone. The Bachelor comes to mind whenever I think of this.

  4. Hello,
    Interesting posts! I do have to say the idea of being who you want your partner to want in you applies to both women and men. How can a woman with low self esteem want be with someone with high self esteem? Of course it could work but naturally, she’d be too shy to talk to him in the first place so she’d be stuck with her fantasies.
    How can a man want a good looking, healthy, fit, educated woman if he himself doesn’t work out, doesn’t care about his hygiene, or take his life seriously?
    and so on.
    many people might call me stuck up or picky, but in reality I’m neither. It took me a long time to change myself for the better, to have a better outlook on life, to understand myself more clearly. And I work hard to keep myself fit, healthy, and overall in good shape, so it shouldn’t be too much to ask for the same. It shouldn’t be regarded as too much. Of course there are exceptions but in general; if someone acts one way, then he or she should expect the same in return.

    Also, you mentioned that 60% of marriages end up in divorce and more are not happy. Interestingly enough, I was reading the other day one of my psychology textbooks and they mentioned that most marriages or relationships go in this order:
    passion, intimacy, and then commitment. But most of those relationships end up in divorce. While relationships (most common sorts are arranged marriages) that go in this order:
    commitment, intimacy, and then passion. Rarely end up in divorce and are happier.
    Anyways, interesting stuff to think about it, eh? Have a good night.

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