double standard · relationships

Why relationships can’t work with double standards

I recently tweeted something that has really got me thinking:
“If a good man wouldn’t call a woman a bitch would a good woman refrain from calling a guy a jerk?”
Let’s be honest ladies, if you and I were talking or even just friends and I called you a bitch what would your reaction be? My guess is that no matter how bad you were acting toward me and no matter how true it might really be, you would be very offended and possibly never talk to me again. Certainly, I would not have a good chance at a relationship with you after that.
But how many times have you turned around and called a guy a jerk to his face? And probably thought nothing of it? He was being a jerk right?
Now I don’t want to get into an argument over words because I know some people are thinking “well bitch is considered a curse word and has a much worse connotation than jerk does and girl’s feelings are more easily hurt”. Perhaps. But the intended message behind those two words is the same.
When a guy thinks a girl is being a bitch he is usually talking about something she did or said that bothered him or put him down. Similarly when a girl calls a guy a jerk she is thinking about something he did or said that hurt her.
Isn’t it a double standard ladies to call a guy a name to put him down when you know you would never tolerate the same from him?
I hope you understand that from my perspective a real man doesn’t call a woman a bitch. And a real woman doesn’t call a guy a jerk. Respect is the key.
But the more important issue is double standards. Guys have them too. Guy’s often want this perfect, Godly, virgin, innocent woman to marry. And yet they buy into this double standard that a woman like that doesn’t necessarily want a guy who has lived the same way. It’s almost like it is culturally acceptable for the guy to be a bit promiscuous, party boy, etc. And to some extent that may be true. But when it comes to expectations for a relationship that seems to be a double standard.
We all have expectations of our friends and significant others. Some of these are good. I expect a true friend to respect me. But most are unhealthy. Like expecting my friend to never unintentionally hurt my feelings or treat me wrong. The important thing to remember with all our expectations is that we need to hold the other person to a standard no higher than we hold ourselves.
If I expect my buddy to call me if he is going to be late, I should show the same courtesy when I am late. If I expect my girlfriend to refrain from flirting with other guys, I should practice the same restraint in my own actions.
Some of you who know me well, know that I am more egalitarian in thinking than a lot of Christians. What that means is that I believe men and women should be held to similar standards and allowed similar life roles. I believe in working together as a team according to ones talents and strengths rather than arbitrarily assigning roles for people to fulfill.
And I think when it comes to standards this is a very healthy approach. So often we divide the sexes so that there is one standard for this sex and another for the other. I remember at LU noticing this in their rules. Guys had to wear collared shirts and pants every day to class. However, girls could wear t-shirts and relatively short skirts if they wanted.
Not that I care about the rules but they reflect what I see as an unhealthy idea that because women and men are different on some level, they should be held to different standards.
So look at your expectations for your friends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, children, employees, etc. Are you creating double standards in your expectations and actions?

Why relationships can’t work without honesty Part 2

Why relationships can’t work without honesty Part 1

Why relationships can’t work without Forgiveness


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